hell yes lets make some ravioli
I need to stop coming to work sober
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
