So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
