i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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