The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
