We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
her facebook's as public as her vagina
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
