He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Randomize
