I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
