Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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