happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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