Kiss
Puke
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
