id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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