Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
