i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
