There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
