She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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