He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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