i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Text me some of your sweat
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
