I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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