Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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