just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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