Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
