Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
