I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
