The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
it was like his penis was on wheels.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
