Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
