the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
