my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
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