So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
