My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
