the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
