he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
