I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
