I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
