kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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