how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
