You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
