Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
