She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
