I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
How's work?
Spinning.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
