I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
