i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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