Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
