So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
