i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
What drink are we having for lunch?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
