How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
