i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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