apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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