That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
