allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
