i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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