I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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