pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
