I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
