And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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