Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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