So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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