I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
