I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
