So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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